I allowed my alcoholism to cause me a lot of unnecessary grief. At the age of eight, I was placed in a juvenile facility for petty theft, for being incorrigible for missing school ,and, yes, for drinking. Looking back I expressed a lot of anger and blame; and, since that time, Ive been incarcerated most of my life in foster homes, boys' homes, group homes, juvenile halls, and jails. At the age of 14, I was placed in a reformatory where my escape failed. That's where my resentments began and were practiced.

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I've been through a few reformatories and then the penitentiary a couple of times. I was released just long enough to drown my sorrows in booze or drugs. I have moved to different places after failures and arrests: several fictitious IDs and 22 drinking convictions. I have completed programs in 11 inpatient alcohol treatment centers and five outpatient treatment centers all just to satisfy someone else or win my freedom. Obviously that didn't stop me as my conniving ways cost me my second prison sentence which I completed in 1992.

Needless to say, my last grade of school was in 5th grade which I failed. I was also expelled from kindergarten. Serving a lot of time, I have educated myself without ever taking a true personal inventory of my attitude and all the excuses that I came up with. I am now 58 years old and just recently have found my spiritual self. It took a lot of suffering before I was able to admit my alcoholism. My third wife, Teresa, has seen me through a lot of detox centers, jails, devious behaviors, and hospitals. She now stands by me as she sees the spiritual side of me. My convictions of my addiction saved not only this marriage but also of most importance, it allowed me to save myself. Today I feel as if I was rescued instead of arrested. As my favorite hymn says in "Amazing Grace", He saved a wretch like me. For that I am grateful. I have actually experienced my death at about the age of 26 from an overdose of heroin, Seconal, and alcohol. I've suffered from strokes, jaundice, and Hepatitis C I had many chances; and as I look back ,I ask Him, "Why me, Lord?"

Today I am responsible to choose and decide for my higher power, God, gave me that will. I have been baptized in my Pentecostal Church in Sioux Falls, SD. I have found my spiritual self within me. It took 48 years to get honest with myself and do my best to be obedient to our Lord's will. With that I live with a positive attitude that has changed my behaviors and I now have confidence in myself. Most of all, I am a spiritual person with a lot of faith and a person who gets stronger every day. I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes, but with prayer and honesty I can correct them.
 

Now, it is my responsibility to share my faith, strength, and gratitude in these few poems with you. Concluding, there is a way if there is a will. It's your decision. We can suffer or we can rejoice.

I was a man who had a dream to spare a human life from falling into the self-imposed snares of the world. I have lost two wives and a son.